Emotional Velcro

Los Angeles, California

The holidays are upon us, and, as can happen at any time of year, the planets in my universe are not aligned. Holidays can bring their own out-of-whackness, but other things are random and can happen whenever. We can rail about the unfairness of that, if we like. Or accept it as one of the vagaries of life. I write that, but I still struggle with it.

Recently I wrote to my friend, Max, that I was feeling like emotional velcro. He wrote back that he thought I had coined a great name for a rock band. In the course of tussling a bit about claiming this terminology, I knew I would use it as a blog post. I'm surprised I didn't come up with it earlier as it describes an aspect of my nature to a T. Tell me that you've got a migraine and I will instantly feel a throb in my temple. My mom is currently dealing with skin lesions, and I am now itching all over. When Billy's back goes out, I find myself hobbling with low back pain even though I never have any back problems as a rule.

We all take our place in our family's structure, and Billy has often said that I am the sin-eater for my family. But my family barely exists anymore. There is only my mom and she has been dwindling for several years with blessedly slow-progressing dementia. So now, with my frister Lydia suffering from an interminable bout of vertigo, I find myself dizzy and disoriented. Or maybe that is the state I would find myself in anyway, given recent news.

Sandra, my frister especial and blog namesake, meets the challenge of a second go-round of difficult treatment starting late this week. She got through the first round two years ago, and was still recuperating from that and putting weight back on when this news hit. She is the strongest and best woman I know. She is in so many ways who I strive to be and that is the reason I named my blog What Would Sandra Do? She is the reason I attend Mass in Carmel which has put me on a spiritual quest that I have yet to completely conceptualize but that has brought a great deal of meaning to my life. And, she is the most wickedly fun person I know. She brings out the best in everyone, and I feel profoundly fortunate to have her in my life. We have a history that includes masks and funny hats, face-painting, Halloween jewelry that lights up, toys -- including wind up cars that we raced around the groove in the Bora Bora Bar at the Kona Village Resort. There was no stopping us at the Village and everyone gave up trying (we just dragged them down with us). We have spent ten of my birthdays together at the Kona Village Resort, and have traveled and spent time together together in Tahiti, Panama, Las Vegas, Napa, San Diego, Lake Tahoe, and Carmel.

Strong girl that she is, with all the family and friend support that she has, I still think she could use some extra wind beneath her wings right now, and I ask you to think of her and send prayers, good thoughts, meditations, whatever you've got - in her direction. I believe our lives are about good work, the choices we make, and the friends and family in our circle. But at times life is also about the fight. Sandra's up for this. And so am I. So, please throw what you can her way. I believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts, and especially in the strength in numbers. This, as much as I believe in her.

The holidays can be tough for many. They stir up all kinds of feelings and memories. My friend, Lydia, and I had a tender heart-to-heart recently when she expressed how she now felt during the holidays, after losing both her parents. It reminded me of my mom saying that every time she started to bake bread (the special Christmas bread that my grandmother, mother, and I have baked -- a photo of which you can see in the post entitled A Loaf of Bread, A Glass of Scotch, and Thou which is available here throughout this holiday season...and beyond) she would sit down and have a good cry because she missed my grandmother. Holidays can do that to you. And even with all the good in my life, and with our impending trip to Carmel, the longing, and the missing, are just barely below the surface.

So let us enjoy the season. Let us think of those we love, and cherish them or their memories. Let us make merry this Christmas and/or light the Hanukkah candles with a full heart. And let our emotional velcro collect all the joy, all the good, and all of happiness that this season holds. Thank you for reading my blog. Love you, my Frister Especial.