A Lotta Dots

Los Angeles, California

Last year was a bit of a bummer. Ok, no, last year was on one hand a huge bummer. Both Joel and I had injuries and I lost a friend. Actually, the husband of a friend, but a friend nevertheless. As a result of our injuries, we didn't dance much. But on the other side of the bummer was some really good stuff. While I limped around Santa Fe last September when we traveled there to see A Prairie Home Companion at the wondrous Santa Fe Opera venue, we also, on that trip, discovered... Yahtzee!

We are game players. We play Double Twelve dominos a lot. Lynnette introduced me  to A Ticket to Ride, and we have played about six versions of it for several years. Some people I used to know introduced me to a fun card game called Shithead (and yes, I apologize for the vulgarity, but that is what it is called!). On planes, we play gin rummy. We play all of these. But when Joel and I went to Santa Fe, we taught ourselves to play Yahtzee.

Cindy had endeavored to teach me Yahtzee on a trip we took together to Carmel back in the early '90s. It was the only time we ever got high together, before she taught me how to play. She had provided the cannabis and it was strong. Not only did I lose that game, I came away with absolutely no idea of how to play Yahtzee. So, Joel and I started from scratch. And we really got into it.

When Lynnette came to stay after that trip, I asked her if she wanted to play Yahtzee, and she did. So, from September through January, I've been playing Yahtzee with Joel, Lynnette and even one game with Cindy. The one game thing is unique. When Lynnette and I play (Yahtzee, Dominos, Ticket to Ride, etc.) we play a lot of games! Back in the days of our early addiction to playing Ticket to Ride, we had sometimes stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, fueled by the mantra of: Let's play just one more.

We have gotten a lot more temperate on playing past our bedtimes, but we make up for that by starting early. Like, in the afternoon. And after a lot of games one evening, and after throwing the dice when it was her turn, Lynnette uttered the immortal words: When I see a lot of dots, I get excited...!!!

I am third and fourth generation American, via my mother's and father's family's emigration to the US. And I think Americans are crazy. We work too hard. We are hypervigilent about our health and how we eat. We don't value recreation and fun. Broad generalizations, yes. But generally true. At midlife, after a particularly heinous life-changing event, I knew instinctively that I needed to stop striving. I needed to unwind. I needed to embrace joy. Joy came from spending time and laughing with friends. Joy came from enjoying hamburgers. Joy lived in dancing. And, I think I discovered last year, in spite of the bummery part of it, that joy can come from learning a new game, and spending special time with my good friend who gets excited when she sees a lot of dots!

Turbulence

Los Angeles, California

Did our lives change after Covid lockdown? Sometimes it's hard to remember how life was different back before lockdown commenced almost six years ago. I see some monumental changes, especially in our government, but I'm more interested in the micro: How people treat each other; their interactions in public; the lack of courtesy and the abundance of entitlement. And in the mini-micro, how are we treating each other as friends?

Lately, I've been getting together with groups of women, some of whom I don't know that well. There was a birthday luncheon late last month for my 'better friend', Cin (I have for more than a decade called her my ex-best friend, but decided recently that we deserved a new designation) It wasn't a 'big' birthday, rather the one before, but she wanted to gather three of the women in her life who mean a lot to her. And it was lovely. Interesting conversation and no discussion of watching series on television. That is one of the ways that I find life has changed since the pandemic. People are so boring, wanting to endlessly talk about their TV viewing!

What I find interesting about what is happening around me is all the running around. I see people filling their lives with a vengeance of activity and distraction. It's very difficult to get people to just sit down. I often invite friends to my home to hang out and I have realized that many just cannot do that. There is so much going on in our country and our world. It truly is turbulent. I guess the question is, what do you do when there is turbulence? Myself, I like to strap down! But I see that others need to run up and down the aisles.

I don't really consider myself a meditator. But I do try to practice meditation. Trying is one of those words that can connote not getting there. And I think that is true about meditation. When I have practiced it religiously, every day, for long periods of time (like during lockdown), the benefit is rather profound. But even practicing intermittently, as I am doing at the moment, helps.

When I am feeling the aches and pains of my chores and workouts, I remember that a long ago fitness teacher advised that sometimes you just need to lie on the floor immobilized. Time out from activity and distractions can be invaluable. But also very difficult for people to do.

One of my friends has every day of her week scheduled. After spending a Wednesday with her a few years back, she clearly inked me in for every Wednesday. And I knew she had other people inked in for standing plans on other days of the week. I just couldn't do it. I like her a lot, and we always had fun together. But I am someone who enjoys being in my home, puttering around and tending to things by myself. Don't get me wrong, I am a people person and love spending time with Joel and my friends. But I need a balance of open, unbooked, solitary time along with my socializing. I want time to write here and in my journal. Time to set aside for working out and meditating. Not to mention paying my bills, doing my taxes, filing my paperwork. I once asked this friend when she managed to do laundry, since she was running up and down the aisles with activities every single day. I didn't really get an answer. I guess she figures it out.

I find human nature fascinating. I look for it in the books I read and the movies I see. What motivates us to build the lives we build, at least in the areas over which we have control? You watch ants in an anthill community, and they appear to more or less all be doing the same thing. But we're not ants. We are all different in so many ways. We all have the same emotions, but whether we all feel them is a whole different matter. And beyond that, how we react to them... a myriad of diversity in reaction. Fascinating.

Turbulence is an interesting metaphor because it is in all of our lives in some shape or another. If you don't think you have turbulence in your life, try turning on the news. I was just kidding. Don't. Just let me assure you that you do have it. In your relationships, in your thoughts, in your dreams, for a start. Whether you buckle up or sprint down the aisles is a choice, even if feeling compelled to do that doesn't feel like it. But it is a choice. And a very interesting one, at that.