The Circle Game, Revisited

 Covid Nineteen, not Los Angeles

...Because it doesn't really matter what city we are all living in. We're living in Covid19. Kinda like Stalag 17.

But on a lighter note. Days are passing, and I am reminded of Joni Mitchell's song about the carousel of time. Because this is all about time. We have spent over five months dealing with this pandemic, and it has impacted all of us in more ways than we probably realize.

Today, I was listening to my local NPR station do a segment about how we are dealing with anxiety and depression through this pandemic. My friends and I often ask each other about this. But the truth is, a lot of people still don't talk about how they are feeling. We share a lot about what we are doing; how we are coping. But, as we move through our days, we should be feeling a lot of stuff: fear; anger; isolation; either family members being too much in our space or loneliness in our aloneness; boredom; frustration; helplessness. Those are the bad feelings. But a lot of the people who phoned in to talk about how they were dealing with the pandemic spoke about positive changes in their lives: reconnecting with friends and family; establishing a new hobby; getting onto a more positive fitness regimen; being creative, and, of course there were the ubiquitous bread bakers. Granted it all takes motivation and work. But, it is possible to make lemonade... (as well as bread).

My friends sometimes ask me to get together with them, socially distanced of course. And I have done so a few times. But I don't feel that I need to. It is enough to be in touch by phone, or text, or even email. While I have always enjoyed all the conversations over lunch or dinner, it's not the same today. It will be. But right now, it's weird to sit with people with masks on. And we're fortunate that we can see each other via Facetime w/out masks. On my end, that requires a make-up session, but I'm up for that. Make-up and pajamas works pretty well for me.

I have written about how I figured out my plan to get through this, and it has worked effectively for the most part. For the most part. There are still times when I want to cry out: Enough! Uncle! Hey, I live alone. So I actually do cry that stuff right out, and often loudly. But my equilibrium returns sooner or later. I work out, I answer emails, I clean closets, I cook. I watch the Dodgers win. Days go by and summer, happily, will end. Normally, I love summer, but I am so over this summer. Over. It.

I do have a medium-level of anger that is just below the surface. I become aware of this when I venture out to the market, and people pay no heed to the rules of social distancing, or they are rude to a fellow customer or cashier. I do have a low level of depression and sadness. But I can live with that. Have lived with it. Will live with it.

I have thought a lot about this. I think that, in the end, to get through anything including this pandemic and this life, you have to have faith. And a fundamental understanding of existential philosophy, literature, and good, old-fashioned psychology. Human frailty, our own and that of those around us, will take up much of our thoughts and emotions as we go through it all. And all we can ever hope for, with all of the tools available, is that we can comprehend it a little. And that may just be enough to get us by.

It will soon be Labor Day. A marker in time. As Joni sang: The seasons, they go 'round and 'round. We are currently captured in a carousel of time and Covid. But we are moving through and someday... someday, it absolutely will be behind us. And the lessons we learned in going through it together just might sustain us in the future. I believe this. And, trust me, you can too. Thank you for reading my blog.