Marble Eggs

Los Angeles, California

Spring was my mother's favorite time of year. She was born in that season which supports my theory of why autumn is my favorite season of the year. But I also think she loved that spring represented a time of renewal, of leaving the cave, of longer days of more light. I am fully my parents' child having received an imprint of anxiety from my dad and depression from my mother. Though, truth be told, they both suffered from both at times, each emotional condition being the other side of the same coin. I do think that Mom's depression led her to be grateful for sunshine and longer days. There was a bit of seasonal disaffection there. Something I can relate to this year as here in sunny So Cal we have been hit by cold, rain, and general gloom for what seems like many months.

But now we are at the start of Spring. Boys in Blue are back playing baseball for us, and along with the pagan, vernal aspects of the season we have all of the religious holidays: Ramadan, Passover, and Easter. Easter used to be a favorite holiday because it was the one I hosted with my family and it was a true celebration of Spring. My mom and dad would drop by the day before, bringing armloads of fresh flowers including lilacs and tulips. They would arrive the following day with Mom's freshly baked bread. Sometimes this was vanoca, the Czechoslovakian bread we had at all holidays. But at other times, she wanted to be creative and a few breads like babka arrived. Whatever she baked, it was always a yeasty bread with some kind of fruit and nuts and was always delicious.

My great fun was setting the table, after determining whether it was warm enough to eat outside. Sometimes we pushed the envelope, eating outside on a cloudy or breezy day, then retreating to the house with a fire warmly burning in the fireplace. Sometimes I did an all-white table with layered white tablecloths and my Spode Jewel china, then I splashed color with the flowers and a crystal cracker barrel filled with pastel Easter eggs (relax, they were actually marble). My white napkins were a variety of mismatched ones I had collected. If we were outside, I often set the table with my sterling, crystal, and linen napkins but used Easter-themed paper plates. I loved the whimsy of this.

But those days are behind me. While I have thought about hosting an Easter celebration, and indeed we did share Easter at my home last year with Connie and Curt, it just seems daunting to resume. So my celebration of Spring will be more subtle. Yes, I will dye Easter eggs. I eat an egg white every morning so I always have hard cooked eggs on hand. I also have some Easter decor around in the form of dish towels, ceramic rabbits, and those marble eggs. There are always rabbits here at my house, both decorative and, in this neighborhood, live. And I will enjoy the sunshine and the warming temperatures that will arrive mid-week. And, of course, I will be mindful of what the season used to mean to me when I had a family.

What I won't do is attend Mass. It's not my favorite time in the liturgical calendar. Once, in that first Easter during the pandemic, I attended, virtually, the Stations of the Cross service, and came away disturbed and deflated. I was reminded of the dark ages of religiosity which was utilized to keep the faithful in line. I fully believe that God wants us to experience joy, especially at this time of year when we are coming out of winter. Once Easter passes I'll return to Mass, though I am recently intrigued by reading about the Unitarian Universalist faith. What keeps me attending Mass is... the celebration of the Mass. I have been tangentially attached to other faiths. My mother's family had roots in Christian Science. Scary. And my parents were Presbyterians. I often sat with them through their Sunday services while compiling to-do lists in my head. No connection to the service, whatsoever. Roman Catholic Mass provides me with a connection to God, as well as the incentive to be better. To me, better doesn't mean to not swear nor complain about my parents. I don't need antiquated guardrails. I just need the lesson and reminder to endeavor to treat people better. Even if I can't love my neighbor, at the very least I can try to treat my fellow humans with understanding and compassion. A difficult enough task (you must trust me about this) but surely what would make the world a better place. I don't make any distinction for people in my religious 'club.' A great many of my friends are Jewish and I will always enjoy Cat Stevens' music. I also know some good, strong and true non-believers who exemplify the character and ethics I admire. I am grateful to have them in my life. Meanwhile, I continue to offer up prayers for those around me, more or less in priority order of need. I can fall asleep before I get to the bottom of my prayer list, so it's good to put the most needy at the top, though I have been known, on occasion, to cut in line near the top with my own suffering needs.

But for today, with an open heart, I offer spring greetings out to the ethos. Wishing everyone, regardless of faith origin, a wondrous season and hopeful peace for the rest of the year to come. Enjoy the flowers, the rabbits, and the chocolate eggs. Enjoy this wonderful, warm season of springtime rebirth.