The Sweet Spot

Los Angeles, California

Recently, one of my friends engaged in a rant during a phone conversation with me. It was the second time in recent months that this had occurred, both times with regard to Covid protective measures. Last time, she used the word gestapo to refer to our state governor and city mayor. This time she blurted out the bullshit that we should all just get the virus and get it over with, ostensibly so that she can stop having to wear a mask. While I understand her frustration, I don't understand her science. And maybe my science isn't exactly right either, since all science is ever-evolving, and if we didn't know that before our global pandemic began, we certainly have learned it as the siege has raged on. My rather youthful friend is at least seventy years old, though I would describe her as seventy going on fifty. She is fully vaccinated with further immunity from an autumn case of the Delta variant, contracted somewhere during her summer travel within the US and Europe. She is scheduled to get her third vaccine following the postponement required after she contracted the virus. I would tag my friend as a VAD, which is Vaccinated And Done. And I get that she is confident in her immunity, and I suppose thinks everyone should have followed her path of returning to normal life after receiving both doses of the vaccine. But the science indicates that this is not the way to go about getting to the endemic phase. If we all just get it, we all can pass it on, and that allows the virus to continue to mutate. Obviously the better direction would be to get everyone vaccinated. Like that's gonna happen...

It didn't really bother me that she ranted. I have the capability to listen and have some empathy with friends and their issues, but I don't have to take it in. So, I listened to her but none of it really entered. It's her issue. I don't agree with it, but I don't have to. Everyone is on a spectrum with this thing. Do I think her science is valid? No. But we are all encountering people who have invalid science, invalid politics, invalid wisdom (or complete lack of wisdom). So I let her rant. The last time she did it, the gestpo rant, I also let her run her course, then I did remind her that she was not preaching to the choir. But these are stressful times, no matter where you land on the spectrum, and we can't expect people to see things the way we do. And frankly, we probably all feel like ranting a bit.

At this time, Joel and I are vigilent about protecting ourselves from Covid. After we were vaccinated, there was that window of time when we could go out, masks off, though we were still pretty cautious. We went dancing a few times. Then we were directed to put our masks back on. So we went dancing wearing our masks. We also went to a Dodger game with out-of-town friends, and I began going to restaurants and movies with friends. We were fortunate that we were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family of close friends. But that was the weekend we learned about Omicron. While some of our friends canceled their Christmas celebrations with Covid cases in their families, we passed Christmas and New Year's quietly together. And we made the decision to hunker down until the middle of the month. This, because we know that many of our fellow humans are, to borrow a word from Anthony Fauci, morons. They partied hardy through the holidays. So we figure it will take awhile for the curve to flatten again, and for us to feel safe, and to keep others safe, as we venture forth. As the fifteenth of the month approached, we discussed again and decided to stay in protection mode until the end of the month.

I will admit that, in other people's eyes, we are probably hyper vigilant. And that's ok. Joel has some co-morbidities which makes me want to protect him. And I have my own issues which would make care complicated, should I require it. So it is our choice to hunker down as much as we can, though it is not the way I usually want to live my life.

I was reminded of all of this when I recently read an article in the Atlantic about positive thinking. How does this relate, you might ask. I think because I tend to think of things on a spectrum rather than on a dot. I have been thinking about spectrums a lot. Certainly we have seen how reactions to this pandemic has been on a sliding scale. Everyone has a varying level of risk aversion. And, how we process all of the events that come at us in life is distinctly different from each other. When I encounter the people who approach life with an armor of intractable positivity, I am inclined to say: You wait right here. I will be back... in a couple of decades. Don't get me wrong, I am not happy in the company of fatalistically negative thinkers, either. But I think they are on the firmer ground of reality than the Little Mary Sunshine group. Plus, pessimists often have a wry cynicism which I frankly can appreciate. In both the article I read, and in a recent interview I heard with another writer, the term toxic positivity came up. Truly, if you cast everything that occurs in life in some fake positive light, you are just delusional. Shit happens. To everyone. Pandemics happen. To all of us. That doesn't mean that there aren't valuable lessons to be learned, but let us call things as they are. Not everything is positive. Some things are just plain damn negative.

So, I ask myself, in dealing with things like the pandemic, the January 6th domestic terrorism attack on the Capitol, or even the mundane madness of horribly rude driving that I am currently seeing around where I live; shouldn't we label those things for what they are? And on seeing abundant clouds in a blue sky, hearing an original cast recording of Candide, and knowing that Joel's and my feet will get onto a dance floor again; shouldn't I label those things as positive? This all reminds me of what in golf is called the sweet spot. Knowing that all around that spot lurk the places where you don't want to connect with the ball. In my life, I have also been aware of the sweet spot in figure skating, and in salsa dancing. Hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it, but it is those skates and those stellar dance nights, when you have your feet, whether laced into boots or strapped into dance shoes, so solidly under you.

Our lives are lived on a spectrum, and in a variety of colors. If you want to live only on a dot or within the three primary colors and deny the existence of the spectrum and darker shades, you will miss out on a lot. When I was growing up, Crayola had a box of sixty-four crayons. Surely the variety of our life experiences are built on a multitude of that number. Not all positive. Not all negative. And while you can aim for the sweet spot, you should be able to recognize all the times that you didn't hit it and not pretend like you did. Regardless of pretense, at this time within this pandemic, we are not on that spot. But it will come, and it even could arrive in all the colors of sweetness. Or, let's be real-- maybe not.