Genital Copulation

Los Angeles, California

It is inevitable that I have damaged my hearing. I spent my youth attending rock concerts, and once after a David Bowie concert at the Hollywood Palladium, my ears were plugged up for at least a day afterwards. And then, about fifteen years ago, I started dancing salsa in clubs. I do wear earplugs... sure, now. But I am in that place where at times, I hear but I don't quite comprehend. Or maybe I am so used to talking to myself, that it is the only voice I now hear succinctly.

The election is over, mas o menos, and there is weak house moritorium on watching CNN. But I do check in on Sunday mornings. And that was when I heard an interview with Dr. Anthony Fauci. For all that Fauci can't throw (Red Sox Opening Day reference), he has been an admirably respected voice of reason throughout this bizarrely misdirected pandemic year. But there is still a lot of polishing the stone -- going over the same material, and on CNN there is the incessant baiting to get him to badmouth Trump. Trump badmouths himself every time he opens his mouth, so this seems like a bit of a redundant gesture.

I think Fauci was being asked about the news that Pfizer has recently released regarding a 90% effective vaccine. I was only 30% listening when I clearly heard Fauci say: Genital Copulation. Ok, this is new. I mean, if we're wearing masks, and staying six-feet away from each other, what could that be about? Perhaps a reminder that we shouldn't be doing that outside our pod? I think I was folding laundry at the time, but hearing those words completely stopped me in my tracks.  Luckily in our world we have rewind, which is what I immediately did as soon as I could get to my remote.

Yeah... yeah, he's talking about a vaccine. It needs to be kept cold. They want front line workers and the elderly to be vaccinated first. And then it will go to the General Population! Ah-ha! Honestly, that does sound a lot like genital copulation.

In The Pirates of Penzance, Frederick's nurse, Ruth, has been told to arrange a seaman apprenticeship for Frederick to become a pilot. Unfortunately, she mishears and instead she apprentices him as a pirate. The words were so similar, Ruth decries about her error. Graciously, Frederick, now a grown pirate, agrees: They were. They still are!

Sometimes things that sound similar can have quite opposite meanings. And so it was when I heard Dr. Fauci casually mention genital copulation when talking about the vaccine. Ok, so you can blame my ever-escalating Covid-induced lack of attention span. Or my failing hearing. As for me, I think I'll just blame David Bowie. Rank your more leading by fog. Or something like that.