Emotional Intelligence

Los Angeles, California

This term emotional intelligence has been hanging around for awhile. So, why do I feel like it is reverberating a lot lately? Reverberating in both the macro and the micro.

Emotional Intelligence is defined as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically." This definition appears online on the google dictionary site. Online, where there is a lot about this. Wikipedia's definition is: the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal(s). It says that "...the term first appeared in a 1964 paper by Michael Beldoch and gained popularity in the 1995 book. That book is Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman." Ok, but after having offered that, I must now ask: Do we really rely on Wikiopedia's take on, like, anything? Let's move on...

What I find interesting is that most of the references to EI online is about EI in the workplace. There are articles in periodicals such as INC and the Harvard Business Review. But clearly, anyone who has these abilities to bring to their organization, will display these capabilities in other areas of their lives as well, right?

An article in The Atlantic, ponders whether EI can be used for evil, as well as for good. It questions whether both Martin Luther King, and Adolph Hitler, used their ability to read the emotions of others to tap into movements. Clearly, good and evil. EI is touted to combat bullying in schools, but, as the article points out, "when people hone their emotional skills, they become better at manipulating others. When you are good at controlling your own emotions, you can disguise your true feelings. When you know what others are feeling, you can tug at their heartstrings and motivate them to act against their own best interests."

If you have been a victim of this, as I suspect we all have, you recognize the dark side of it. As the articles states: "When people have self-serving motives, emotional intelligence becomes a weapon for manipulating others." Certainly today, in the world, we see leaders who appear to be capable of robbing their supporters of their capacity to reason. But in the micro, even if you are intelligent as well as emotionally intelligent, you may still be at risk of being influenced by individuals who have their own agenda or past score to settle, which creates the basis for their action.

A research team led by University College London professor Martin Kilduff, reported that "emotional intelligence helps people disguise one set of emotions while expressing another for personal gain..." While perhaps not for personal gain, I have observed people disguising emotions which cause them discomfort or which they have no tools for handling. And yet, those disguises do require some personal, emotional machination. In my experience, this is never so evident as in the emotion of envy. One of the things I have learned is to spot envy at 50 yards (so to speak). You might notice it first in individuals who never express their envy about anything. All humans experience envy, what differs is their ability to tolerate it in a healthy manner. Examples of those who cannot, might be seen when an intelligent person pretends to not notice obvious things that they envy. Sort of a protective blind spot. But the more obvious indication is in the person who goes the other way. My therapist once pointed out to me that people who exhibit a very strong trait are usually covering the exact opposite. Sad people who present as humorous. Penurious people who pretend to be charitable. Envious people who scorn or ignore the quality of what they are actually envying. I like the clothing much better at TJ Maxx than at Georgio Armani. Right?

I have been told by family, educators, and friends, that I am intelligent. And I am in touch, possibly too in touch, with my own emotions. And I have a particular antennae for people who present in a certain way before showing their true colors. I learned that I have a pretty good bullshit detector (sorry for my language, but that's what my therapist called it). But even that system might not protect you from people who operate in life out of their own agendas, while hiding behind other presenting traits. Or, as Joel says, throwing flowers around garbage doesn't make it pretty. So, while emotional intelligence clearly has value, you have to be careful about discerning how people utilize it. We live in a dangerous and precarious world. Choose your community carefully, because even if you are intelligent and emotionally savvy, you might still be conned. And, you must trust me about this.

Thank you for reading my blog. TJ Maxx was deliberately left out of the labels below. If you are searching TJ Maxx you won't be led to this site, because you'll surely not be happy here. And YOU must trust me about this. 😏