Los Angeles, California
Received bad news that a loss has occurred in the life of a good friend. And got stuck in that muddle of not knowing what to say. Wanting to be there for him, but not knowing what to offer besides that assurance.
Our friends become our family. But we still have our families of origin. The loss of a family member is layered by the fact that they may have known us all of our lives, for better or for worse. And, that loss cuts deeply into our past, as well as into the present. It seems not fair to have it carry that additional weight, further encumbering our sense that almost all loss feels fundamentally unfair.
And, at times like this we are reminded of the subtext underlying news that pertains to mortality -- that life is precarious, and fleeting. That the quest to live each day to its fullest is fraught with failure. That sometimes the best we can hope for is, to paraphrase Helen Hayes, to have some "ecstatic moments." And poignant memories. Last Sunday, Easter, was my parents' wedding anniversary. My mom no longer remembers this, but I do. My dad's birthday is later this month. Neither of these events have been celebrated for over a decade. It doesn't seem possible that my dad has been gone from my life for that long, but he has. That's the thing about loss and life; time ticks on. It's the only thing that succeeds, as Steve Jobs said (or words to that effect). But that isn't strictly accurate.
I have studied literature and plays; seen a lot of films. The written word frequently illustrates that love can succeed, and that, despite what I hear and repeat when I attend Mass, death succeeds ultimately and quite reliably. What I want in life is an unfailing sense that other things will succeed as well: friendship; goodwill; peace; understanding; patience; empathy. And more. Maybe if I had that, I would somehow also know what to say to my friend. What to offer besides the insipidness of let us know if there is anything we can do. But today, that was all I could say. I should have said so much more. I said it all in my head later. But maybe he knows. We are good friends; old friends. Family. And I love him. So tonight, he is very much in my thoughts. I hope he knows that, even though I didn't possess the eloquence to verbalize it. A personal snafu which, unfortunately, is business as usual.
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About Me
- Bronte Healy
- California, United States
- Once, I came up with this brilliant idea (well, I thought so, anyway) that the key to happiness was to concentrate on three things -- to choose three interests, then focus and funnel your energy into that trio. I was an English major in college and have always written in some shape or form. So, my first choice was writing. I've always kept journals, and have also written plays, novels, poetry, and shopping lists. I do have a day job. It deals with numbers (assets and finances). Go figure. I went to college at a California University. I live in California, Los Angeles, but not downtown. No children, and sadly, between dogs at the moment (dog person, not a cat person). Enough info? I was going for just enough to not be a cypher, yet not enough to entice a stalker. And, I started my blog after being dragged, kicking and screaming, to do so. Blogs! Read about ME here, right? But I have been advised that this is a way to write regularly, and to put your writing OUT THERE. So, here goes. My name is Bronte Healy. Thanks for reading my blog.
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