Stamps for Art

 Los Angeles, California

My friend, Art, phoned to tell me that his brother had passed away. Just two days before, my friend and pilates partner had emailed about the loss of her brother. It was a bad week for brothers. I sent a note, enclosed in a card, to both. I never had a brother. I have often wished I would have, as it would have changed a family dynamic that leaned heavily and dangerously into a sister/mother triad. Throwing a brother into the mix would have shaken things up, and likely in a good way. For me, the younger sister of an older sibling, undiagnosed but evidently on the spectrum, a healthy male sibling might have upset a toxic family applecart in a revolutionary manner. Or maybe not.

But, perhaps for that reason, I have a reverence for brothers. As a teen, my girlfriends and I thought that older brothers would bring home their friends. We fantasized about where that could lead. Of course these imaginary brothers were never nerds. They were the coolest of the cool. The brothers we deserved.

We never thought ahead to what it would feel like to lose a brother. In both these recent cases, my friends lost older brothers. I felt sympathy for their loss, as well as a faint reminder of my envy for their experience of having a brother. They were lucky to have brothers. They were unlucky to have lost them.

So I prepared cards and notes. My mother and aunt had instructed me that condolence should be conveyed with a note, not a card. But, times change. I don't know if people are sending condolence texts, but I wouldn't be surprised. I, however, sent cards with notes enclosed. I carefully addressed the envelopes adding return address labels. And stamps. One was easy. It was a pretty stamp with the word Peace. Choosing Art's stamp was more difficult. Art is a successful graphic artist. When we began our business, he did our corporate identity: business cards; stationery; advertisements. And Art and I collaborated on projects like the brochure for the product Tom had created, as well as Christmas cards and party invitations. I wrote the words; Art did the art. So, I carefully perused all the Forever stamps I had collected over time, trying to choose one that would be appropriate for him in art and meaning. But Art's brother had died in a violent manner. Obviously the John Lennon stamps weren't appropriate. I kept looking. Selena? No. Isadora Duncan? OMG. Sylvia Plath? Why did I have so many stamps honoring people who had died in pretty horrific ways? I had some Peanuts stamps, but they were clearly not appropriate. I finally decided on an O. Henry stamp. I have no idea how O. Henry died and I am not about to google. The color of the stamp matched the ink of the address. Done.

Losing a brother is inordinately sad. Losing anyone we care about is so freaking hard. But a part of me, knowing Art, thought that he would find my search for the right stamp rather darkly funny. The older we get, the more we are able to find some humor in the darkest of our days. In fact, it is what often keeps us afloat when all else has failed. So, as I attached the O. Henry stamp, I thought to myself: O.(M.G.) Henry. Because loss is ahead of us all. I'm prepared. I have a lot of cards. And a lot of words to convey my sympathy. So, who would have thought the stamps would be the conundrum?

What Is IN There?

Los Angeles, California

News arrives that there is a new Covid vaccine available. I think most of us greet this news with a mix of gratitude and resignation. I am too often reminded that Covid is still around. Recently, my BFF Lynnette had to cancel her visit when her husband came down with Covid after a family birthday party. This week, due to a current surge in cases, I wore a mask at the market for the first time since I recovered from Covid early this year (and a long recovery it was, so I am loathe to get it again).

I recently spoke with another friend about the vaccine. She will get it but is feeling vaccination burnout. A lot of questions still circulate. What will happen to people who have, in some cases cavalierly, contracted Covid multiple times? There is speculation that the virus could, down the road, lead to other diseases and syndromes. On the other side of this, what are all these vaccines potentially doing to our bodies? We are assured that the non-live viruses are harmless. Still, six vaccines in a matter of a few years, not to mention flu, shingles, pneumonia, etc. But, regardless of all, I will still get the jab. Clearly, there are those who are resistant to anything related to Covid mitigation, but only because government got involved in it with mandates and school closures. That response is akin to throwing out the baby with the bathwater. When a virus is continuing to kill with a count now upwards of a million souls, this is no time to be libertarian (nor to be stupid). As my friend remarked, and I agree, it may be like a bad cold to some, but people are still dying from it. And those who have carelessly contracted multiple cases really are participating in the shapeshifting of the virus. So, how can I, in all good consciousness, justify not doing everything I can to protect myself so that I can protect others? That is, as they say, the bottom line.

It's not strictly scientific research, but I have noticed something else that the pandemic hath wrought. When I get together with many of my friends, there is this conversational equivalence of looking through the wrong side of binoculars. This narrow view represents what everyone is talking about: Series TV! A conversation begins in innocuous fashion, perhaps over a get-together lunch, then the conversation lurches to: Are you watching _____..? Most of the time, I am not. It's not that I have shunned it across the board. I watched several good series during the pandemic, Queen's Gambit comes to mind. And I am enjoying Only Murders in the Building. I continue to watch Masterpieces when it's not Mysteries. And I have been known to watch a beloved series over again (The Durrells in Corfu -- always The Durrells in Corfu).

Series take up hours of our time. Time we could be reading good books or articles about the state of our union, meditating or pondering the meaning of life, or having a conversation with another about those and a myriad of other topics. So, why are we wasting so much time sitting silently in front of screens watching series on TV? And, I think I may have the answer. I think they put something in the vaccines that is making us do this. But... if this is true, how come I'm not doing it? Do I already have a more healthy immunity to time-wasting? And, lest this sound too uppity and judgmental, I assure you that I can waste time with the best of them. What do you think I am doing here? But this whole series TV thing reminds me of a Nora Ephron quote (paraphrasing) about pesto being the quiche of the eighties, or restaurants being the theater of the nineties (she used this twice once, in her book Heartburn and again in her screenplay of When Harry Met Sally). Is series TV the facebook of the twenties? Facebook being the last thing I can remember being relentlessly told I should be doing (and I didn't). And, as an aside, despite similar pressure, I have kept my home reality-TV free.

If there are additives in the vaccines that are affecting our behavior, what do I wish they were? Easy: Consideration, kindness, politeness, reticence, humor. I recently checked in with a friend who was dealing with a personal issue and got a long diatribe about state politics. Maybe we are all too quick to do this hop from information to complaint. And series TV does present distraction, and in most cases non-political distraction which we certainly all need. Still, we are hearing about disconnection and depression linked to our current habits. Maybe when we had seven channels plus PBS to choose from each evening, we were more inclined to pick up the telephone and connect voice-to-voice with a friend.

So with all of this in mind, I have decided to give up Hulu, Prime and Britbox (and I only have Prime to access Britbox). I've never had AppleTV and I gave up Netflix a long time ago. Will my life be a lot different? Better? I would ponder this interesting question, but I've no time at the moment as Turner Classic Movies is starting a favorite classic of mine. And no, the TCM drug didn't come from the Covid vaccine. I have been addicted to the channel for a long, long time. Maybe it was in one of the earlier flu vaccines? I don't know. Makes you think though, doesn't it?